Watching way to much television and too little studying. Classes are scaring me, lots of catch up to do it seems, and all the notations and explanations in the textbooks are just confusing. Never realised how useful it was to have a teacher telling me and explaining it to me, because it seemed all the mathematics cramming did its magic back in the day. Although I do remember hating our substitute teacher, and especially after skipping many classes at the beginning of my A level year to play hockey, he didn’t seem to like me much either.
York is treating me well, I guess. Until yesterday when it seemed like the wind was ice blowing into my head, and my whole body was starting to freeze. I had to run to class and couldn’t go back and put on ten more layers of clothing, never again! I really should not go shopping when I’m cold – its like not going grocery shopping when hungry – because I’ll buy too much warm shizz, as seen from yesterday’s retail therapy session, although they are all necessary! Haven’t really met many other people yet, apart from my flat mates – they are cute, mostly Chinese girls, well postgrad accommodations seem to be 80% Chinese girls doing TESL – and the other people doing the Conversion Year. Going to join the Active Arts thingy they have in Wentworth college – yay, because it means I get to use the printmaking studio!! Ahh, printing presses, how I have missed you. I’m terrible at using the printing barren and doing it by hand. And I am also going to try my hand at hockey again, after way too long – I hope I don’t expire in the middle of the match, or freeze to death.
But despite the cold, the sun shines gorgeous every morning. A really cheery greeting every morning, and it warms my room up so quick, which really messes with my head when I have to dress for 8 degree weather outside. The view from my room is beautiful though, I love looking out into the open fields, blue skies, changeable clouds.
In literature, there are thousands of endings. Some happy, some sad. Some end with a twist. Some stories open the door for something more. And then there are fairytale endings where the girl gets her prince. And endings that turn you introspective about your own life and your place in the world. And then there’s the ending that you saw coming a mile away, and yet somehow still takes you by surprise.
– Gossip Girl
We’re always told to take care of ourselves, to have pride and to stop hurting yourself. All those empowering sayings, words of wisdom, where we’re told to do the right thing, even if it may mean walking away from the handsome boy standing in front of us. Whilst sanity can return, its easier said than done to truly let things go. Words can’t be unsaid, they may seem right, but feel wrong, seem wrong, but feel right, and what does it mean when it neither feels right nor wrong? Memories overflow. Cold nights, warm goodbyes. But you must tell yourself that you can’t keep missing someone who won’t miss you.