Marooned.

Sometimes, it just feels like I can never measure up. And I don’t even know what I’m comparing myself to, so technically, it doesn’t make any sense.

Looking at Mich’s hatemail, it kind of makes me wonder what people think about people. And how wrong they can be. Especially after talking to G, and us realising that we are very judgmental. But you know, I can’t help it! But its not as if I don’t change my opinion of people, and I will feel bad when I’ve misjudged someone. But not saying what I think doesn’t change the fact that I judge people and things like that, its just that people won’t know it, right? And I guess, that isn’t good in itself either: ‘Don’t judge, or you too will be judged.’ This reminds me of an episode of ‘House’, where the patient can’t help but be brutally honest, and his judgmental side comes up a lot, and it nearly destroys his marriage. But the fact that he doesn’t voice out his opinions all the time, is just being human, and having EQ.

My paycheck just came, from my 2 months of temping, and it will pay for another term of Japanese lessons. I need a job, all these expenses are piling up, and I’m thinking of how much I’m going to be spending in Japan and I’m like ‘AAAHHHhhh!!!!!!!’ Every few days, I’ll suddenly think of new things to consider before going. And today, it was about keitai denwa (cellphones). And I was browsing the Softbank and NTT Docomo websites to see whether prepaid was plausible, and the costs etc but they were too confusing. And then there were companies renting phones for short to medium term periods, and I can’t decide which is a better option.

And when I met G today, he told me about his friend not getting her exchange because of OIR’s screwup and handing in of her application LATE, after they had confirmed it with her. And because they got the reply from the host school late, they were unable to give her her other better choices, but are probably left with the “leftover” slots in other less demanded for schools. Like OMG. I will kill OIR if they did that to me!! I’m kind of worried right now, because of my late submission of the financial support evidence. Oh die. KSL better send me a positve reply from Rikkyo soon.

I really need a part time job. Especially after being very very decadent over the last week, with online shopping with Nicole – it was a very good offer on dorothyperkins.com! And then a full body massage yesterday – I’m still aching from it a little, but it was so good despite the teeth gritting pain when it was her elbows to my stiff muscles.

Oh yeah, instead of studying over the weekend, I made a new bag. Pics will be up, when I finally finish the straps after a visit to Spotlight for the buckles.

After using twitter. Its suddenly way to troublesome to blog.
My sis is back, and is making me realise how terrible my grammar is – although she already has over the internet prior to getting back. Shites. Haha. I shall blame accountancy.

UNIQLO is in Singapore! I’m super excited. (: I want new jeans!! Although it may be cheaper.. a little.. in Japan. New stores are always exciting! I can’t wait for H&M to get to our shores, but they better not only hold insanely expensive pieces, because I cherish my dear little affordable H&M I saw in Sweden/Denmark/Norway/France/UK. The HongKong one didn’t live up to expectations, mainly due to the lack of range, and prices were well, not that great.

An hour more before I’ve got to drag my feet to Negotiation class, although I think it’ll be a fun lesson again today, with more presentations about differnt cultures’ negotiation styles. It was fairly hilarious last week, when we did a lot of Asian countries, and we had funny stories about bargaining, corruption, bribes, “gifts”, losing face etc.

I’m still kind of exhausted from one nights’ lack of rest, due to my brother bluffing me that our prawning session will last only 3 hours max, and telling me, “At most 2am ok!”

Nicole prawning!

Yummy barbecued prawns (:

Prawn lover

It was real fun though. Caught 16 prawns, paid $30 for 3 hours of renting the fishing rod. And it was damn yums, especially bizarre for me because I don’t like to eat prawns!

I only got to bed past 4am, because the 3 hours did not include driving there, cooking prawns, eating, and extra time to prawn because they aren’t that “ngiao”. I had to wake up for work at 7am, and had class at 7pm till 1015. I think I totally shut down halfway through class. I even overslept when I got home in the afternoon, and didn’t go for the talk in the afternoon. Heh.

I think fucktards should all just go kill themselves and die. It suddenly dawned on me how real it is about people being two-faced and back-stabbing arseholes.

Well, maybe I’m being two faced too, by maintaining my niceness. Life’s a pain.

Its like when I was in secondary school, and it was either going late for P.E. or staying late for art, when everyone else from class had left, and it was just me in the classroom. The quiet and solitude, was empowering in a way, where it gave me the feeling that I had governance over the entire room. And that was a fun feeling because there’ll usually be 39 other girls there, but for that short period of time, I could borrow everyone’s desks, the blackboard, and do whatever I wished to do.

The solitude in my foster* department now, gives me the same feelings. Today I have full reign over musical choice, playing my random music, instead of listening to whomever’s iPod gets plugged up to the speakers, or who chose the radio station first.

And after a while, the solitude will get to me, and I get bored, and decide to leave the classroom. But for today, I don’t think I’ll get bored. Just that I do miss the noise and excitement of the rest of ORC, them being them, their super lively, fun selves. I wish I worked here too, well, doing marketing instead of accounts. Heh.

*foster – because I’m with another department due to there being a lack of computers and desk space upstairs, where the rest of my department is. (:

Ooh. I’m liking my new layout. Simplistic, clean, white. (:

Just came back from the movies with Mich, JianAn, Keith, Dillion, Shaun, Du. We watched ‘The Day the Earth Stood Still” – very disappointed. Although I did know it was going to suck, but…. I think my vote for the movie in order to see Keanu Reeves was not well placed. There was a scene that totally brought back TheMatrix images – when KeanuReeves emerges from his casing, it totally looked like when he came out of the matrix, in the big pod of goo – exactly the same, just different location – same hairlessness, nakedness, paleness etc. I was trying hard not to fall asleep in the movie, seriously. BAH. What a waste of time. But dinner with them was fun. They’ve gone to play mahjong… just trying to make me sad only – forever playing on weekdays/sundays. HELLO! I have to work!!

AND I’M SO SORRY SHER!!

Have I already mentioned that work is finally picking up? Although now I’m doing the same thing day in day out, but at least its something! And its semi-interesting. It gets a bit sian when I see the long long list of claims, and the thick stack of receipts I got to double check with. But I love the environment there, and I hope I do get another internship in another department next year. You know, I just realised how much I miss the numbers section of a normal computer keyboard – what do you call that part? Its the calculator part or it.. with the NumLock and stuff. Cos now at work, I’m pretty much using it 70% of the time.. it makes typing numbers soooo much easier, totally miss using it. And like, whilst doing projects, that would have made so much more sense! Sheesh. What have we been doing, using laptops/macs nonstop without trying to find the most efficient way of doing things. Haha.

Went out with Nartz yesterday for steamboat dinner, and that was yummy. It was nice seeing her and talking. Hope you are feeling better babe!

I think I’m an idealist in terms of romance. And I think that whilst I do have my irrational, idealistic and impossible views on it, which I wish were possible to find for me, I also have more rational ideas that I hope I’ll be able to find.. eventually. Hee.

I wish there was someone out there who gets me. Who will make me comfortable with being just me, no artifice, no trying to hard. Someone who isn’t afraid of opinions, ideas, outoftheblue philosophical thoughts, and gets it – doesn’t have to agree, but sees where I come from. Someone who is confident enough to know I don’t need him all the time. And someone who trusts, and whom I can trust. So conjure me up this man!

And I was reading a book, and a sign that a relationship wasn’t going to work was contempt and derision for your partner – which can be seen from even minute things like semi-rolling-of-eyes. When you can’t even stand listening to someone’s opinions of things etc, how do you expect to be together for the long haul?

Its interesting hanging out with kor on the way to work every morning. We have these 30min conversations every morning, about random things, about school, work. Its like I’m getting to know him a little more everyday. I like it, I like getting to know my family. Its kind of me/us making up for all the lost time in our growing years where we each lived our own individual lives.

We both came to the agreement that the worse part of working, is the waking up freaking inhumanely early, then squeezing into overcrowded modes of transport (someone fainted in the train yesterday morning.. never heard of that, but apparently quite common, according to the bro cos his friend always encounters it). Whats up with going to work at 830/9am. Who came up with that idea! And what happened to 9 – 5.. its like totally 9 – 6 workdays lor.. So it used to be that we get paid during lunch! Stop with the miserliness, oh corporate world – although yes yes, it is in a slump now.

Oh yes, I met up with Jiaying today for lunch, at GoldenShoe. That was nice, to see her after so so long. And we work so near each other! Finally, I’m meeting someone out of the office for lunch, its a nice change! What happened to all the other big4 interns? All so antisocial – tsk. Shall go find them one of these days, but first must find out where they work, and who works where. Takes precise planning, it does, with this very precious one hour a day we have to spare in the middle of the central business district.