Marooned.

I just got 2 cute hamsters from Jian An and Michelle, because their’s gave birth to many.

I’ve named them: Ringo and George. In tribute to my mum who loves the Beatles.

My mum said she named my brother Paul, because of McCartney, and didn’t name my other brother John/George/Ringo because she realised she wasn’t going to have 4 sons.

It is believed that we should not give up till we’ve given up our all, in the belief that we are giving ourselves a greater opportunity at the chance we’re grasping at, and in doing so, we may increase the possibility of us getting the final result we seek. However, can’t we also see this as the lack of willingness of moving off from the status quo, because we are so happy being in the current situation, and we do not like change. Then if the situation is a painful, sad, unhappy one, we’re just so used to it that we forget that we could be in a better place just not running after the dream anymore.

So is there any truth in pushing ourselves to our limits in the desire to pursue happiness? I did think so, until it just felt ridiculous to continually do so and see no change in anything. Its just like winding my spring up every time to the tightest, letting the spring go and see my destination only at the last moment possible, the wall.

Sometimes, when the target is a person, unrealistic notions begin to be placed on the person, and unwarranted ones too. Not knowing the other party extremely well allows us to fill in those gaps in knowledge with ideas we create for them, in order for us to convince ourselves that the person we are interested in is worth the effort, is worth all those hours of thinking, sighing, dreaming. So then, we just place them on the pedestal, and it totally explains why the wall seems to be so much harder, colder, and with spikes at times, than it should when I crash right into it.

And then when we decide that we should just stop running after these unachievable goals, because we’ve been at it for the longest time, putting in as much work as possible, not improving chances of attaining it at all; we forget all about it, or so we think.

We assume that everything apart from your life remains at status quo, but when we find out that it doesn’t, you also realise that maybe you did not stop running after a goal after all, you seemed to have stopped by the side in hope that a chance pops by again in the future, but you also find out that nah, no such chance; and there the second wall is to crash into.

It was a good night, spent with Miche. (:

Haven’t gone for plays/musicals like this for a very long time. Love it when I finally take some time off and just watch performances. I need to do this more often.

Sitting alone in this SR. With John Mayer in the background.

It feels nice to be one person in a big space. Being the one who is taking up the only occupied chair, and all the rest emptied, facing the exits as people moved off.

And at the same time, it makes me feel like I’m the one left behind. The one everyone forgot, not bothering to turn behind to check. But even if they did turn around, will they find me still here, or have a hid myself, have I turned invisible to them, have I moved away to another place.

Do you sometimes feel all the doubts you ever have about yourself fill you entire being and made you feel so incompetent you should just give up on everything. That’s when I start giving myself pep talks. And then decide that I talk to myself too much.

Maybe I never really realised the impact that bad memory had on me, till maybe a year or so ago. Considering I tried my best not to listen to John Mayer for more than a year, and I actually really like him a lot.

Aren’t the small details the things that tell the truth.

And yes Jie, Tony Leung is hotter. And Stephen Chow! They are getting more handsome as they age aren’t they.

Seriously.

I can’t help but roll my eyes at my own predicament. Its starting to feel like a joke. And the whole world can just start laughing, any moment now.

Doubt hiding in a hole will help, although that’s what I feel like doing. And that will definitely solve the problem of being haunted when my guard is down.

On a side note. Karaoke is fun. And Wang Lee Hom is seriously hot. He’s definitely one of the hottest singer, songwriter, musical instruments player, actor, model rolled into one. Mindy and I concluded that he looked hotter when he had slightly longer hair, think “爱的就是你” MTV. Tada!

Its time to catch 色，戒。 (Lust, Caution). I know a ghost who has it. [Please kill me now]